Whatever a person experiences in meditation, it is the repeated encounter with “self” in the meditative process that eventually leads to a “self-awareness” which is, at the same time, healing and transforming.  

The “turning within” leads to the encounter with the “true-self” stripped of all ideas or images of ourselves that we have developed and held over the years.  

The transformation of self is not unlike a second conversion experience at a deeper level of prayer and understanding.  I had many experiences in meditation wherein I encountered, struggled, and eventually overcame obstacles to spiritual growth.  I believe these experiences prepared me eventually to reach beyond myself to help others in their spiritual journey.

Case Study: Lydia 

The following is a case study, recorded at the time, when, after several other careers, I was in training for chaplaincy. In the nursing facility mentioned earlier, I encountered a 66-year old woman patient who, according to her daughter, had a history of depression and paranoia, but had not been previously been treated.  

Lydia, the mother, had recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor and had spoken of killing herself.  She had had a thorough psychiatric evaluation and was now medicated for depression.  She was facing an operation to remove a portion of a brain tumor and her self-image was so poor that she felt that she didn’t deserve to live.  

I learned from both her and the daughter, Cynthia, who lived out of town, that she came from an abusive childhood and, later, an abusive relationship with her former husband.  She was so weak and fearful that she could not raise her head while sitting in a wheelchair.  Her psychiatrist believed that would not survive the operation since she “no longer had a will to live.”

Lydia had been Presbyterian but had not practiced for many years and Cynthia had no formal religion.  Although the mother and daughter had spoken weekly by phone for a number of years, they had a tenuous relationship at best since the mother could never show any affection and the daughter felt duty-bound but “used” by the mother.  The daughter, recently married and resentful to be there, was in town for a two-week period leading up to the operation.

The mother had been relatively open with me about family history and the abuse that she had endured. I found her intelligent, articulate, and dependent on the daughter, but unable to function for herself.  

My intuition, experience, and very limited training told me that she was suffering from deep-seated anger, fear, inability to forgive, and loss of hope.  She was physically and spiritually depleted. I felt inadequate by training to address the myriad of psychological and spiritual problems facing the woman. 

Nevertheless, as I awoke in bed early in the morning and was meditating, as is a habit, it came to me in a moment of enlightenment what to do.  I was to prepare a spiritual care plan over four days leading up to the day of the operation.  

Please click here to link to Transforming Meditation: Part 2, Transforming Meditation: Part 3, and Transforming Meditation: Part 4