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The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 2

The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 2

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During the period of retreat at a Trappist Abbey as I was trying to deal with all that had happened to me when I lost my business and especially the grief of so much loss, I began to encounter persons that were also suffering.  

One such individual was a young man, named Stephen, who had shown up at the Abbey for the weekend, after only four days in recovery from an outpatient drug program. 

In my weakened state, I was able to see that here was a soul that was lost and in pain. I was moved to empathy since I understood the terrible difficulty of his journey that I had shared some years earlier with my seventeen-year-old son. 

Over the two-day weekend, we were able to talk of Jesus Christ and His love for us, pray together and with another recovering addict who had lived in darkness, and read the scripture of the story of Stephen’s stoning and Saul’s conversion. (Acts 6 and 7).

Not only was I able to minister to others in my suffering, but God sent several people to minister to me during this time of retreat.  

John, who was an Assembly of God missionary visiting the monastery with his family, spoke words of wisdom to me.  A Trappist monk, who has been a longtime friend, became a spiritual guide for me when my regular spiritual director was unable to meet with me.

Finally, two days before I was to leave the Abbey, God spoke to me.  Here are the writings I recorded at the time: 

I set out on a seven-mile hike in the mountainous woods. It was a beautiful day – full of sun and God’s promise.  Halfway, I came upon a large meadow and sat down on a log to pray.  

As I was praying and began to walk again, I was in tears but they didn’t seem to be tears of grief.  It seemed to be a certain type of suffering where I seemed to be atoning for my past sins of arrogance and trying to manage everything on my own. 

 I wept and prayed deeply and said my own confession.  As the sun was directly behind me, I inadvertently put my walking stick over my shoulders and my hands in such a way as to appear on the cross in my shadow. I prayed and walked this way for quite a while. 

 All during my walk – through a stretch in the woods and the entire time on the meadow – I had a strange feeling that I wasn’t alone. I kept waiting to encounter someone but eventually realized that Christ was accompanying me.  

At that moment, my apprehension dissipated and I knew that God had led me to a deeper union with him and scraped away another layer of self.

In retrospect, it is seen that the “dark night of the soul” is a period of purging the last vestiges or attachments to the “old self.” It is a process of purification in order to cleanse the soul of all that stains it.  

It requires total dependence on God in order to let God’s light shine directly into the heart and mind. In the end, it is an illumination and enlightenment process to prepare the soul for contemplation. 

Click to read The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 1 & Prayer of the Heart

The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 1

The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 1

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The “dark night of the soul” can be a terrifying time. It is as though the person meditating cannot pray in words or intentions.  It is a period of waiting; a true test of our willingness to trust absolutely in God even though we are not able to feel or sense the Presence.

The fright is all the more since we have left the security of our own desires and comforts.  We have given ourselves over to God, but God is seemingly not there. 

We have stepped into an abyss of nothingness and unknowing, and do not know how to find our way back.  Faith is challenged by the dynamic of the attempted encounter, with all lack of meaning and purpose without God.  

Past experiences and elations do not count for the present.  Each day meditation is a desert experience, dry without gratification or fruit.  

Perseverance seems to be the only course in a desperate hope that God will be restored in one’s life.  Yet there is a vague sense that God is there at the bottom of our fall from grace, ready to catch us at the last moment if only we can stay the course.

Perhaps this is the only hope during this period. 

Click to read The Dark Night of the Soul: Part 2 & Prayer of the Heart

Solitude and Silence in Meditation: Part 3

Solitude and Silence in Meditation: Part 3

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In meditation, the struggle is often a sign that we are beginning to deal with our shortcomings, to grow in the Lord.  In my own life, I meditated for many years.  I began meditating when I was 23 years old, shortly after I converted to Catholicism and Christianity and gradually developed a deep sense of quietude and peace. 

I was always able to retreat to a place of silence and solitude and find a balance that would see me through any difficulty. Some people would be able to sense this peace within me and look to me as a stabilizing force in thorny situations or sometimes seek my counsel in their personal lives.  

Yet, when I was on retreat on one occasion a very gifted retreat master told me that there was a piece of my heart that I had not given up.  I somewhat accepted his words as a sort of prophecy for me but had no real idea of what the piece of my heart was.  

Over the years, his prophecy came back to me and I would search my interior self during meditation for that piece of my heart; still, it eluded me.  It was only many years later when I lost my business and incurred enormous debt from a business that had been successful for many years, that I became fully aware of what that piece of my heart was—I could not accept failure; I had to be successful and this want and desire kept me from fully giving myself over. 

But once I had actually failed and was able to deal with that reality in my prayer life, I was able to move through the failure to a place of God’s will for me. I went through anger, depression, resentment, and many other emotions as, in addition to the failure; some people professing to help me that they had treated me with great injustice and deceit. 

Two of my children working in the business were let go as well as several other loyal employees, alliances, and customers were mistreated, and after a transition period, my employment contract was prematurely terminated.  

Over a period of a few months, I not only meditated, but also took acupuncture, saw a psychotherapist for the first time in my life, and went on an open-ended retreat. All of these efforts allowed me to work through the many problems in a balanced way while continuing to pray for guidance and deliverance. 

I struggled to the point of tears often and there were times that I couldn’t feel or sense God’s presence as I had become accustomed.  I had read about the “dark night of the soul” (read more about this in the next post) and that God may even lead us into seeming abandonment in order to purge our selfishness and engage the light.  

However, I never felt total abandonment because I believed and trusted that God was there even when I couldn’t feel His presence. Nevertheless, it was similar to some of the experiences that I had read about.

Click to check out Solitude and Silence in Meditation: Part 1 and Solitude and Silence in Meditation: Part 2

Open Your Heart Meditation

Open Your Heart Meditation

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Here is a detailed, step-by-step, meditation to follow to help one gain a deeper experience.

*Find a quiet place or space where you can be alone and uninterrupted for a period of 5-20 minutes.

*Clear your mind and body of any anxious thoughts or feelings; a favorite prayer, a brief reading or reflection may help in this process. 

For example: “come Holy Spirit, kindle in me the fire of your Divine Love.”

*Find a comfortable posture; sitting erect, relax your shoulders with back straight. Take two deep breaths, starting at the base of your stomach and inhaling slowly with expanded chest; exhale slowly each time.

*It may help to acknowledge to yourself any strong feelings or emotions that may trouble you now or in the past, but do not dwell on these at this time. 

This meditation is designed to “empty “ ourselves of such feelings.

*Starting at the top of your head or hairline, we will work back and down; focus solely on each body feature – forehead, hairline, top of the head, back of the head, etc. 

If you experience tension or stress, do not struggle, gently push it down and release it.

Do the same with any random or distracting thoughts. In addition, if you are too distracted, you can return to deep breathing or your mantra to regain focus. 

Continue working back and down – eyes, ears, back of neck; pay particular attention to those areas where we tend to store-up stress or tension – top of head, neck, jaw, shoulders, etc.

*As you work downward, you may experience an “emptiness,” or “blankness,” or sleepiness or emotions coming to the surface. Generally, these are good signs that we are relaxed and able to release and proceed with our meditation. 

Keep in mind that healing is a process.

*In the upper part of the body(head, neck, shoulders), we focus on “opening the mind” while releasing thoughts, anxieties, tensions, and surface emotions. At the same time, we are increasing concentration and focus.

*As we reach the heart, it is important that we dwell there. 

Open your heart.

Many of our deepest emotions are buried there–in the heart. We are giving release to an outpouring of these emotions. Are we really ready to let go? Maybe not, but again healing is a process.

*It is suggested that you continue meditating through the rest of the body to the toes, releasing pain, and whatever else is found.

*you may choose to complete the meditation with prayer, prayer for others, or a selected reading.

Note: This meditation is intended to be a positive, healing experience. If you are struggling, it is suggested that you come back to it at a later time. If the experience turns negative or dark, seek guidance from someone familiar with meditation and the contemplative way.

Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 1 and Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 2 and Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 3

Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 3

Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 3

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In recent years, I have been working in Behavioral Health as a chaplain in order to promote spiritual growth as well as other aspects of a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

It is important to share the tools for meditation and contemplation that can often bring hope and sometimes relief to those who are challenged with mental illness, drug and alcohol addiction, grief, depression and anxiety, and related issues. 

Group meditation has been a key component of my spirituality groups. Typically, after an introduction and assurances of inclusiveness of culture and religion, we enter a discussion of those things that we tend to bury deep inside. 

Often this includes grief, anger, forgiveness, fear, guilt, and other emotional trauma. But it sometimes includes spiritual and positive emotional experiences that are deemed too personal to share.

From this discussion, we proceed with a meditation starting at the top of the head and “emptying” ourselves of thoughts, feelings, etc. and working downward to the heart. 

We “open our heart.” 

This completes the meditation, but it is suggested that the individual finish the meditation through the rest of the body, in a quiet place, later in the day.

We then share what those in the group experienced in the brief 5-minute meditation. This sharing is often revealing and sometimes brings out stories and group members ministering to one another. 

A handout on meditation (similar to the one at the beginning of this website and in the Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 4) and scripture provides an ongoing reference for the patient to reflect on if he or she so chooses.

Check out Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 1 and Check out Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 2 and Obstacles to Meditation and Contemplation: Part 4